These are real questions... (and then they voted):
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain
on TV, how do the plants grow? (USA).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around
watching them die.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female
population is smaller than the male population?
A: Yes, gay nightclubs
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first